Life Lesson to Be Remember Before 25: The GPS

Last January 4, my friend came to my hometown to spend New Year's holiday. She stayed at my grandfather's house for hours before finally decided to move to the hotel, since it is closer to the station. During the stay, there are two important life lessons that I remember from her; one is about life, and the other is about love. Here, I want to make a note to myself about that life lesson, before I reach 25 a week later.

As short as I know her, Mbak Rayda is an independent woman. So when she said that she would come to my grandfather's house by herself, I was not worry about her. I just gave her the address and detail instruction how to get there, expect that she will take Go-ride or any convenient transportation.

But it turned out that she finally came to grandfather's house by herself, riding a motorcycle that she borrowed from her SHS' friend before. Worst, she got lost on the way to grandfather's house. She has tried to call me but I did not see the call came to my phone. So, when she finally arrived at house, what happened later can be imagined: she busily told me about her journey.

What made me in disbelief was that she even passed the rice field and Islamic boarding school when she got lost. I even never knew that such place like that existed near my house complex and had no idea, which way she went through. But funnily, all that unfortunate thing happened because of Google Maps. Like.. hello? How could technology that supposedly gives you a more accurate suggestion mislead you? Nah, here is the lesson.

"The GPS is not wrong, Nez, but I do. I missed listening to the instruction when it asked me to turn off. When I mistook the direction, I was still searching my way to get into your grandfather's home stubbornly. After determinedly did it for a while, I got frustrated and tired, then finally decide to look up into the GPS once again. Does it mean that I fail? No, I am still arriving at your grandfather's house, but after passed a miserable condition, since I was not listening to the GPS."

It was also the answer (or the analogy) that she gave to me when I said that I felt wrong for what I did 1,5 years before. In the last quarter of 2016 and during 2017, when I tried to find a job after graduated from college, I did a lot of things that now makes me regret and in confusion. Whenever I look back on that journey, I say to myself,

"Oh, perhaps I took a wrong decision. Perhaps I have missed the momentum, so I become more incompetent and incapable, more stupid and less confident. It makes the company has no interest in me.

Perhaps if I took the opportunity at that time, I do not have to pass this miserable journey but be in my best condition: having more than enough money to spend it with family and invest it in stock, bond and gold, meet a lot of people instead of desperately working from home, able to develop my ability that is in line with my track record in college, travel to new place for matters of work, or if I am lucky enough, being sent to study abroad by the company after two years working there." 

But I need to remember that at that time, I also took that decision in such a particular condition and reason. So I had no right to regret it but should be able to bear the consequences.

If the journey then becomes more difficult because my wrong decision leads me to something new, where I have no track record, portfolio or recommendation, then people doubt me that I could be fit in the particular position that I apply, or then I stuck in a non-value work which makes me disappointed and upset, nah, it is my problem, and I have to struggle. It is hard, but I have to bear and fight it well. 

I admit that I did something wrong which affects a lot of my future. Like Yoon Shi-yoon in his lecture titled "The Road Even A GPS Can't Find" in Ewha Woman University in Korea, where he said he regretted to avoid the ups and downs in his job because he was scared, I did the similar mistake too.

Because of my ignorance, I decided something with unwise consideration. I gave up to my greed when I had the safest opportunity at first. I also gave up on my fear when I had the choice second, months later.  I forgot that like when I invest money in stock, the bigger capital I put at stake probably gives me a better gain later.

But no, I just gave up to the comfort I had to leave behind and refused to take all the shit which can take me to the better position. Since I am quite clumsy in socializing with people (it really drains my energy after forcing myself to be bubbly to blend well with society), hate to listen to shit the politicians said, easily getting stressed when I have to cope up with pressure from editor and deadline from work, I thought it might be better if I avoid it.

I was stubbornly searching my way, unaware that it might be the most suitable journey for me. But no, there is no the best choice. The best thing we can do is forget the regret and live whatever choice we made and tried to make it the best life for ourselves.

I still do not exactly know what I want to do, what my future ahead of me after I took the wrong choice, waste my opportunity and age. I even do not know why I am still haunted by the decision. Whether my friend's spiritual mentor, Frater Angga Indraswara, SJ said to me is true or not, that perhaps, it is what we called as the call since after few times reject it, I am still asking to myself, "What if?" But like Mbak Rayda said to me these New Year,

"Does it mean that I fail? No, I am still arriving at your grandfather's house, but after passed a miserable condition, since I was not listening to the GPS."

So does my life journey and career path too.