Life Lesson to Be Remember Before 25: All You Need Is Love, Love Is All You Need

Since SHS, I always want to get married at 25. In my simple thought that time, I am mature enough to get married since I already have a stable job and gain a lot of experiences in 25. So, what else am I waiting for? Even more, I have been dating the same person for years, tho.

But sometimes, the reality is not in line with imagination. When my expectation fails, along with the picture I built about my future, I need to rearrange my plan. It was the time when I said to my plan to the family; "I want to get married at 29 or 30."

Of course, my family rejected that idea. My Daddy said,

"Although you've been experiencing a bad experience in love, you should not generalise man as that bad. Yes, to get married at a mature age is a choice. It is okay if you already decided that, but what matter is, you take an example of someone who still wants to get married, but have not had the chance in her 40. It is a different case."

What he mentioned about is my aunt, who becomes my role model, since I consider her (and her choice) as another option for me, besides choosing an everyday life choices, which is to get married. In her 40++, Aunt Lia is still pretty, smart, success in her job and financial life, active in church event and also, has strong compassion to help the one in need (currently, he volunteers to help the refugee). It is worth if I adore her, right?

But of course, what I observe is just the surface area. I forgot to consider the lonely time Aunt Lia might spend since most of her friends already got married and had children and the possibility that I might not be strong enough to counter the same problem like her.

Next, my brother rejected the idea. When I proposed my sense to him, he merely asked, "How many children do you want to bear? Two? If that so, don't get married at 30. 27 is still okay."

Another time, my Mom expressed her consideration. "Don't get married at 30, Nez. You see what happened to me; I am already 55, but none of my kids has married."

Of course, what she said to me was not intended to force me to get married soon. Lucky me, my family is moderate enough to let the kids live whatever any choice they choose. Instead, she just try to make me rethink about the idea to get married at 30, since the vast age gap between my kids and me will create another problem.

So, in my spare time, I found to reflect, what makes me worried of the idea of getting married lately. Perhaps, what makes me afraid is that I see marriage as a huge responsibility (not to mention the responsibility of having a child and raising him as the kind one), and I understand that to live the Catholic's marriage vow is not easy. Instead, the story of few individuals that ruin the marriage vow scares me. As a result, I generalise all the boys and the idea of marriage as something terrible. 

Perhaps, what Leon, my friend said to me was right,

"You might stop freaking out and start to think about marriage when you finally find someone reliable, who can convince you that after all, everything's gonna be okay."

Yes, I still have time; to improve myself, to know about what I want in life, to chase the dreams and pursue things I love, to enjoy my life in the craziest way I thought or never thought. In that case, I believe in what Emmanuel Tannoux, a France man that put his insight about love life in Lana Del Rey's Youtube account.

But to arrive at that point, I also need to finish my task: forgiving about my past (along with my folly). Not only by forgiving people that hurt me, just so I do not need to deal with them again in life, but also to forgive the problem itself, and the scars that left, to let me live in peace and dare to open my heart again, like Barway, my friend said. 

I need to remember, that before I am ready to see the one comes to me, I need to trust love; that even my parents (and also grandparents) can't be so affectionate towards each other, they still have respect. (But perhaps, the way they express it just different from others). That even marriage does not start seamlessly (because of MBA, or the family is odd enough to propose the girl to get married (only) in three weeks later, or soon the cousin's of the bride-to-be find out that the man is such a jerk to date another woman before clearly finished the problem with his ex, or whatever), but both of them still love each other and happily live side by side with each other. That even the relationship sounds confusing (since the couple work and live in the different city or whatever), they still want to sacrifice for each other. They have love, and it is the want which makes them stay next to each other and don't try to cheat, lie or whatever.

I need to see the positive side of (relationship and) marriage that makes people last forever, and it is love. Just like The Beatles said, "All you need is love, love is all you need." 

Although I say many times, "Finding the one is so damn tricky! How could we be comfortable besides someone for the entire life? How could we stay forever next to him, the one we see since we wake up and going to bed again? How could we accept the flaws and not going to leave, even if we find something that makes us cannot bear to be beside him? How could we stay in good or bad, in sickness or health, to love him and to honour him the rest of our life?

But at least, I already knew the qualities I want from my life partner (full of initiative, kind, honest, smart and will help me to grow in Christ). Also, I already knew how to evaluate them, to make me sure about their presence ("List their 10 positive traits, Nez! If you can not even find 10 positive traits of him, then it means he does not good enough for you." - Mbak Rayda) and how I could believe in love, once again ("There must be something that makes your parents stay forever with each other, Dek, and that is love." - Barway).

Yes, the reality might be different than what I imagine about future. His appearance and traits himself might surprise me, along with the way I could meet him, don't know how many years later. But I already have believed that all I need is love, love is all need, to make me sure about the idea of love and marriage, once again.